I Need Less of a Life…
BECAUSE I CAN’T UPDATE HERE ANYMOAR PROPERLY.
too busy.. TEW BUSY. aye…
You all would have seen this on facebook if you know me on that, but this will be re-post, AND a few extra (sorta long) updates.. What they are, you need to scroll down to see~
A humorous drabble compilation
[Introduced Klein and Cline]
The two stared intently at each other, studying, analyzing; concluding. They circled the room like hawks, one bearing an insincere smile and fox eyes, the other fine, black strands and intelligent glasses.
“So, your name’s Klein hmm?”
“So, your name’s Cline hmm?”
They both flashed a roguish grin and sat down on a conveniently placed couch, eyes shining with an unholy light when they started to chuckle to themselves.
“Introducing them was a bad idea, huh?”
“NO SHIT, MAYA!”
So the two bystanders ran off into the distance.
[Was in a Fairy Tale]
The girl with long black hair and a red cloak walked down the forest path, carrying a basket covered with a red striped cloth. She hummed quietly to herself, not paying attention to her surroundings, and so, did not see the wolf that crept up beside her. Opening his mouth, the wolf was readying himself to ask a famous question.
“Where are you going, lit-”
He howled in pain, and looked at the oversized gun the girl in red produced from her basket.
“I’m not little, you overgrown excuse of a mutt.”
The moral of the story is, carry firearms with you while frolicking in the forest. Oh, and of course, don’t piss off little girls.
[Finally got a Sword]
“PWAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT, Y’DAMN FRUITS, I KEEL YOU!”
Dem fruits better watch out then.
She swung the shiny sharp object around with movie sound effects, and the fruit splattered with a distinct squelsh. Red, orange, green, yellow, and plum coloured the fence and grass, and fruit carnage was spread through the entire yard. The neighbours cowered in fear of getting fruit flesh on their things, and every bird flew south in fear of getting their heads removed from their shoulders.
Maya was playing fruit ninja. IRL.
“YOU IDIOT, WE WERE GOING TO USE THOSE FRUITS FOR THE PARTY”
She blanched and ran off, escaping the wrath of Mom.
“ANYONE? HELP MEEEEEE!”
She poked the side wall, then scrambled back when it twitched inward. The boat rocked dangerously in the acid, almost tipping its cargo into the bubbling concoction. (Actually, no one knows why the boat didn’t melt, or why it was there in the first place.)
Getting a stupid idea, she reached into her jean pocket and produced…
A FREAKING HUGE PAINTBALL GUN. How she managed to store that in the pocket of girl-jeans, nobody knows. She claims it’s because she’s magical.
Then, going all trigger-happy and stuff, she spun in a circle and shot everything she could see. The lake convulsed, and moved upwards in a great heave.
“Ewww! I’m covered in dino stomach acid!”
She whipped around and shook her finger at the confusedly blinking t-rex.
“You! I’m taking you back to the Jurassic! They all told me it was a bad idea to get a pet dinosaur. But did I listen? Noooo! So then I get eaten” With a sparkly poof, the dinosaur was magiked back to its hole in the ground.
“What are you looking at, y’stupid reporters?!”
They all walked away, mumbling about pet dinosaurs.
[Was put in a Senior Home]
A soup bowl flew through the air, hitting the attendant square in the face with impeccable aim.
“YOU CALL THIS CHICKEN SOUP? WHERE THE HELL IS THE CHICKEN?!” An old lady stood with a scowl, “Bring back another with chicken in it!”
With a huff, she sat back down with a flurry of peppered long hair and waited with a deepening frown. When the poor girl came back bearing soup, the old lady took a sip, “Why is this cold? You useless child!” then flung the bowl onto the wall, staining the wallpaper a splotchy yellow.
“GET OUT, OUT OUT OUT OUT OUT!”
Seventy years later, Maya is still terrorizing people.
[Was a Teacher]
Twenty-seven children waited silently in the classroom; at least half of them were trembling.
Someone was late.
Five and three quarter tense minutes ticked by since the first bell rang, five and three quarter minutes late. Neither teacher nor student showed.
Another four minutes passed.
Suddenly, the door slammed open, and in came the teacher holding the offensive late child by her ponytail a foot off the ground. She glared down through black frame glasses with an impassive face.
Then she smiled; a sharp toothed, terrifying smile.
“All of you unconformable miscreants: get out and run thrice around the field. Anyone who is slower than five minutes won’t like whatever is coming.” Every single soul flew out the door, rushing past a visiting teacher coming to borrow supplies. He blinked at the leftover dust cloud and ran a hand through his mussed hair.
“Why are they all going outside? Isn’t it Language Arts at the moment?”
Maya gave an honest looking smile, and answered. “I’m letting then expend their energy so they can focus better though the day, besides, it’s a nice day outside; I think they deserve it.” Then she feigned a distant glance out the window.
The other teacher laughed, “No wonder all of the students that are in your class do so well, not even a single one has had anything below excellence, in academics as well as in athletics! Even the parents are amazed by the changes!”
Glancing at the time, and seeing that it’s been almost three minutes, she decided that it was time for the guest to leave. “Well, I believe that I should join them outside, I understand that you require the paints?” She walked to the back of the classroom, and handed the two stacked containers with art supplies to the taller man.
“Odd, I don’t think I told her what I came here for… Oh well, must be a woman thing.”
One by one the children trickled in, and three unfortunate students fell after the five minute mark.
“You three. You must not think that I’ll actually punish you hmm?” She grabbed a ruler and brought it down hard on the three’s heads, multiple times. “Everyone get back to work, and if you three don’t finish each and every exercise, I’ll be making you sit in a bath of icy water. The entire day.”
No one dared to be late after that.
[Was a Teacher for ‘Trouble Students’]
A grey haired teacher stepped into the classroom full of thrown papers and loud voices screaming obscenities at each other. He ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair while turning to a shorter, younger instructor behind him. The door closed behind him and he heaved a sigh.
“Well, you’ll be working with them for the rest of the year… I had gone grey because of them…” and indeed he had, because for someone to have a headful of grey hairs at the age of 30 isn’t normal. “Good luck…”
Maya gave him a chilling grin, “don’t worry, it’s not for me you need to fear, it’s for them.” Then she laughed, pushed the door open, and stared at the children in the room, pinning them with a glare that said “if you all don’t shut up right now I will use you for biology class’ dissection unit”.
The room fell into a hush, and all stared at the new addition to the class.
“What, do we have a new student?”
A tick appeared on Maya’s head, “No, you bunch of maggots; I’m here to make you all listen to authority. If you don’t listen to me, I will make you suffer.” The tick became a twitch when the people in the room completely ignored her.
“Look, I don’t give a shit about how teachers are not supposed to spew profanities, and I couldn’t care less about the rule that says I can’t harm students, because you’ll have no proof.” Her personality did a one-eighty and she grinned widely, “Now, get those textbooks out and we’ll start with Mathematics. I don’t care about how much you have not learned. If you sleep, you will fail. Now…page 193, unit four. If you don’t understand, look it up tonight, if you don’t know it next week, I’ll whip you.”
At the end of the year, everyone was stunned that each and every single one of them got full marks on their final exams.