Let's all be random, shall we?

I’m Sorry, but…


I know, I’ve said I’ll do weekly posts on stuff, but I just haven’t been able to get enough hours out of my days. The weekends are spent, stressing over final projects and (attempt) preparing for tests. High school registration is srsbzns in a family of overachievers.

So, this week, please be satisfied with a halfway in tears rant on the subject.

The three high schools I have available to  me are Old Scona (OSA), Harry Ainlay, and Lillian Osborn.

Two, I have guaranteed entry, and one that has a very high chance. Lillian is in my catchment area, so that is my last resort, and OSA has called to tell me that I have been accepted into this highly academic and picky school.

Everything says that OSA is my best bet for a good groundwork for university, and eventually, the workforce, but it is so utterly limited in option classes and the fun factor of high school that I can’t bring myself to hand in my passport to them. I know it’s arrogant of me, but I’ve always known that I’ll get in, but I’ve never really considered it a viable option to go to. It finally hit me today, when the principal personally delivered my entry via phone call, and I was told that I was amongst the top 120 students out of the 508 hopefuls who want to get in so much more than I. A friend of mine hasn’t wanted to consider other schools, with the amount of need to get accepted into OSA, and I, who had only delivered the application and did the exam in order to measure myself to the best grade nines in the school system, was accepted.

My marks were bad, disturbingly bad, with my average a diminishing 88%, and so, I was fully prepared to get a rejection letter come this week. Finally, I was being forced to accept that I can’t always succeed at everything I try at. I was prepared to be a nameless.

And yet.

I was accepted into a school that, unless I got some type of horrifyingly high score in the entrance exam, I was going to be rejected.

It means that I was an elite. Again.

But I don’t want to go. The implications are too great. Yes, the universities flock to OSA in order to give out scholarships. Yes, it is going to have me prepared for the load beyond schooling. Yes, I will be pushed to do better than I would in other schools. But I don’t need that. I’m not someone who likes to study, I’m not someone who pour over scientific formulae, I’m not someone who places studies first. And I never will be. What I want out of high school is a broadening of horizons beyond the simplicity of primary schooling, beyond shallow friendships of junior high, I want to have things that I am good at available instead of always chasing after the ones dedicated to academics. More than that, I want to enjoy high school. I want to go to Ainlay.

But how can I? How can I give up a spot so many crave? So many think far beyond them?  I can’t be someone who follows their heart and chooses accordingly, I can’t simply discard the part of me that thinks to myself “I’m on the top of the food chain, better than they who failed.” I can’t shake the feeling of saying, “I attend Old Scona.” while someone else cannot. I cannot leave the pride of sheer prestige that comes with it.

But how can I give up my hopes and dreams for an enjoyable remaining three years before adulthood? How can I attempt the culinary program offered at Ainlay? How can I negate the appeal of the fashion studies course? How can I choose a school that offers only a language that I hate, and give up on learning languages I have pined after since I had heard them? How can I give up my friends who have supported me, unwittingly or not, through my small stage of depression? How can I deny my own heart? How can I deny that painful feeling every time I say that I will attend OSA? How can I throw away everything I WANT?

But how can I disappoint my parents, who were so much happier than I was when we got the call?

I don’t know anymore. I’ve always thought firmly, I will not go to OSA even if I get in. But the situation is here, and I don’t know what to do.

Help, please.

Don’t you dare say something about my taking things for granted, as I know that I’m privileged that I was even able to take the exam. But this is an issue that hurts, and i don’t want to read BS about this. My problems seem insignificant, but they’re a lot to me.

Please, help.

~MayaYume

Advertisements

7 responses

  1. Zoe

    omg this is EXACTLY what i thought.
    Well I dont noe what this is ,when this is ,or anything
    but i just would like to say that yes this is just 99% of what i think about high skool.

    Well the osa thing didnt hit me yet, but is going to be next year…
    but same situation is that yea i get good grades,yea im a good student
    but no im not some one who likes to study or anything

    My parents, especially my mom, rly rly rly wants me to get in. Yes she said that she’ll let me decide, but I noe how much she will be disappointed if i dont go to osa.

    Ive been hearing from Everyone how boring osa is and how they think its their most horrible decision ever to go to osa instead of ainlay. They also say that once u get in, u cant get out….. so i guess thats like saying no regrets once u get in?

    Anyways good luck in osa~ and i hope u made the right choice

    June 19, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    • Hehe by the sounds of it, you live in the same city as I do! (I shall proceed with being all stalker like and asking which school you happen to go to..?)

      I’m doing decently in school, without even a bit of effort, so I didn’t really think a place that is filled with talented people is a good fit. I mean, most of my classmates who also got in, applied with a 95+ average (or at least, 90%+) so I really wasn’t expecting a favorable response when my measly 88% was handed in (I’ve since pulled it up, and now has a 92.. pleh)

      As well, thinking about this, around a quarter of my grade is going to OSA, and my opinion of them is… fun loving people that seem like retards until you carry on a lengthy conversation with them. (That said, if you’re worrying partially over boring people, you have nothing to fear.)

      I calculated my chances for Ainlay, and they were not good (as I live out of district, and instead my home school is Lillian, which I refuse.)

      Well… who said that you can’t get out? O.o lots of people have transferred out, and a few people I know are planning on transferring in in grade 11. Your friends, I’m sorry to say, are trolling you. xD

      I did make the decision to go there, so I’m going to live with that.

      June 20, 2012 at 8:18 am

  2. It’s up now! I’ll let you know now…it has a happy ending ^.^ It’s alright you don’t have to offer anything in return!

    March 15, 2012 at 5:37 pm

  3. Wow this is quite a dilemma you face. Personally I don’t think I’m qualified to give you an appropriate response though I can tell you what I would do if I was in your position.

    I would go to OSA. I mean from the sounds of it, it seems like it would really prepare you for beyond high school which is always beneficial. Maybe you won’t have as much fun as you thought you would but you’d be able step out of high school prepared. But then again, I’m more academically inclined. I strive to stay in the top of my class and I want to go to a Ivy League college in less than two years.

    But you, I don’t think you want to sacrifice the many things you’ve come to love and have a passion for. Honestly, the most important thing is self satisfaction. It doesn’t matter what anyone else wants for you because at the end of the day when you go to sleep, it’s just you. No one is going to work for you, no one is going to live for you, and no one is going to breath for you. You need to weigh your pros and cons. Don’t go to school you won’t be happy with. Don’t go to a school that would make you regret it. Like I said, OSA would probably benefit you more but then again, academics are NOT the most important thing in life. From the sounds of it Ainlay is more creative and open unless I misinterpreted what you wrote. Go where you want to go. Yes, OSA will push you but there’s certain limit you can push someone before they break. Be happy with your decision inside and out.

    Hope I helped ^.^

    March 12, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    • Thanks, actually, you did help a lot. I’ve decided to give OSA a chance, since it is one of the best high schools in the country. It would take a lot of work and phone calls, but if I really hate it there, I could make a transfer.

      Really, I’m glad I know you 😀

      *Horray for tl;dr comments 😉 *

      March 12, 2012 at 5:27 pm

      • Oh yay I’m glad I was of assistance to you ^.^ I’m going to write a story in celebration dedicated to you! It’ll be out by the end of the week I promise ^.^ Good luck at OSA 🙂

        March 12, 2012 at 7:00 pm

      • A story? Much appreciation has been shipped to you!

        I like the way you write, and I don’t think you post enough of it. 😀

        Hmm, I would like to offer art in return, since I can’t seem to get words out at the moment. c:

        March 12, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s